I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t scared

When I hit publish on my post last Tuesday, I knew I was taking a risk.

Putting myself back online in such a personal way– and talking about the problem no less– kind of felt like painting a bulls-eye on my back.

But I still needed to do it.

The oppression of the silence had become physically suffocating. I had to break the seal, had to let it out.

Had to.

And although I’d be lying if I said the decision doesn’t scare me, well at least I’m breathing again.

I have tried to rationalize why God has chosen me, and my sweet family, to go through this nightmare. Have I manifested it for myself? Am I paying off a kharmic debt from some past lifetime? Was building this house truly just a case of wrong place, wrong time?

I don’t know. I don’t have answers to any of that.

What I do believe is that things happen for a reason. Good things and bad. The easy lessons and the hard ones. All are meant to teach us something about ourselves. Being reminded that this life is a petri dish of soul growth and development may not lessen the pain of this particular human experience, but it does make it more bearable.

The hard-won wisdom I’ve gained over these past three years may be useful to someone else, and that’s why I’m going to share it. I’m going to stick to my decision, fight the urge to hit delete, and keep on keeping on.

I guess what I’m saying is, it’s time to leave the harbor.